How to Reconnect with Your Spouse

At one period in our marriage, my wife and I were trying to manage life with two jobs and four children, and everyone else's needs always seemed to trump our own. Our calendar was impossibly full with activities every day of the week. It seemed that every conversation we started was interrupted by a phone call or a child's need. At other times we never even began the conversation because we were simply too tired for productive interaction. 

Can you relate?

We reached a point at which we felt more like roommates than husband and wife. We weren't arguing, nor were we headed toward any kind of split. But we just existed from moment to moment, managing the most urgent needs, and feeling more and more disconnected. Neither of us was content with this state, but neither of us knew how to make any changes to improve our marriage.

We sought the input of a counselor, who made some suggestions for how to prioritize time together. We adapted those suggestions, and I want to share one key thing we found to be most helpful in reviving our marriage.

A few days a week, we would go into the living room by ourselves, and light a candle on the end table. This lit candle signaled to our kids, "We love you, but we are taking this time for just the two of us." We told our children they should leave us totally alone when that candle was lit, and only interrupt us if there was gushing blood and a 911 call in progress. If they interrupted us, the penalty was something along the lines of having to make everyone's bed every day for a month. It was not really punishment, but it successfully communicated that they should respect the lit candle and leave us alone with each other.

During these Candle Times, we would not touch our phones (except maybe to look at our digital calendar for something once in a while). We would look into each other's eyes and ask, "How are you really doing?" We would talk about things that brought us joy, and things that brought us frustrations. We would talk about a decision we needed to make together. The topic of each conversation varied, but the major emphasis was that we CONNECTED with one another.

Candle Times sometimes lasted ten minutes, sometimes an hour, depending on the needs of that day. Some weeks we did Candle Time two days; other weeks needed Candle Time almost every day. We did not want to hurry through that time, because this time was a priority for us.

After doing this for a couple weeks, our kids began to observe that when we emerged from "Candle Time," we were in a better place emotionally to be able to invest in meeting their needs. After a few months of this, we didn't even need to light the candle; if a child saw us talking together, they would gently ask, "Is the candle lit?" If we said "yes," they held their question until we were done.

Taking this time together was vital in deepening our marriage. Husbands and wives need time together to connect and talk about more than the calendar and the kids. Whether you use Candle Time or another method, I encourage you to take time with your spouse for the benefit of your marriage. By investing time with one another like this, you show each other that the person you're married to is the most important person in your life.

The One Thing They Didn't (and Couldn't) Teach Me in Seminary

In seminary I was taught a lot of important things, and I use them every day in life and in ministry. I learned Bible, theology, preaching skills, ministry methods, and so much more. Seminary prepared me for pastoral ministry in countless ways.

However, there was one thing that seminary did not...and could not...teach me. You see, in my role as pastor I have had to do a lot of things that have nothing to do with Sunday morning services, visitation, and other "ministry" duties. Around the building I have cleaned toilets, wiped up vomit, mopped floors, and moved furniture. Out in the community I have spent long hours with people I barely knew, performed difficult funeral services that required hours of preparation, and counseled couples that wouldn't stop fighting even as I tried to interject quiet words of wisdom.

Many times over the years I have quipped, "They didn't teach me THAT in seminary!"

Indeed, that's true. Seminary trains pastors in very important ways, and I would encourage every future pastor to pursue seminary training. But there's the one thing seminary did not...and could not...teach: servanthood.

It's a sense of servanthood that causes me to care about things that are not in good repair in the church building. It's a sense of servanthood that causes me to get up in the middle of the night to be with someone in the emergency room. It's a sense of servanthood that fuels my joy even in the midst of a hard counseling session.

Seminary cannot teach servanthood because it's not something that can be learned in a classroom. We learn it as we grow in Christ and live for Him daily.

Servanthood is an attitude that every Christian should have. Jesus talked to His disciples about servanthood: "But Jesus called them to Him and said, 'You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many'" (Matthew 20:25-28). Jesus modeled this kind of humility as He washed the feet of His disciples, and then told them to follow His example (see John 13:1-15, esp. v. 14-15). That is Jesus's model, and therefore it is my goal as His follower. Even more as a pastor, I want to live this life of servanthood.

Sadly, I have seen a few pastors who have lost their sense of servanthood. Quite frankly, it's easy to do. It's hard to maintain an attitude of God-honoring service. Servanthood can be inconvenient to my schedule and inconsiderate of my personal needs. But as a pastor, I especially want to serve even when it's hard. I cannot consider it beneath myself to do something grungy around the building. I cannot consider myself to be entitled to receive special gifts from church members. I want to be willing to set aside my study time to talk with someone who drops by to discuss a hardship they're facing. I want to be open to visit someone in the hospital even if it's my "day off." Yes, most people in the church never see these quiet hours of service, but our Lord does, and when we serve people in His name we are truly serving Him (see Matthew 25:40).

Fellow pastor, what about you and me? How's our sense of servanthood today? For that matter, I ask the same question to all my fellow Christian brothers and sisters: how are we doing in serving people today?

Nurturing our Marriages

If I plant a flower bed and then do nothing to maintain it, in only a short time it will start to look really bad. Weeds will take over, flowers will wilt, and before long that flower bed will be full of stuff that's either ugly or dead.

Our marriages are much the same. If we want our marriages to be alive and strong, we want to invest in them. Here are six ways we can nurture our marriage relationships:

1. Nurture with CHRIST. As husband and wife draw closer to Christ, we also draw closer to each other. When Christ is at the center of our relationship, we have His help to face any challenge that comes.

2. Nurture with COMMUNICATION. Good communication is essential in any healthy relationship, but even more in marriage. We want to take time to talk together, dream together, work out problems together, and share our innermost thoughts with each other. We want to take time to listen to each other and understand each other.

3. Nurture with CARING and COMPASSION. We read in 1 Corinthians 13:4 that love is kind. When we are kind to one another, that strengthens our marriage. The opposite is also true: when we are unkind to one another, that harms our marriage. Let's seek to be kind to one another even at those moments when it may be difficult.

4. Nurture with CONTENTMENT. When we spend our time thanking God for what we have rather than complaining about what we do not have - this is contentment. When we are content with our spouse, we won't want to look to other people to provide the things that only our spouse should provide. When we are content with what we have, we (individually or together as a couple) won't waste our energy looking elsewhere for something we THINK might make us more happy. We want to be content in the here and now.

5. Nurture with CONFESSION. Confession, and its close partner forgiveness, are foundational to a healthy marriage. I want to be quick to confess when I have wronged my wife. And I want to be quick to forgive her when she confesses something to me. If I am quick to apologize, then my wife is free to forgive, and we can move past those unkind words I said or that thoughtless thing I did.

6. Nurture with COOPERATION. It takes time to feel like we are truly "one" in a biblical sense - intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Marriage is always a "work in progress," but it's a wonderful thing when husband and wife are working together, under the headship of Christ, to become all that God wants us to be.

May these words encourage you as you nurture your own marriage and make it grow.

For Crying Out Loud, Act Like a Toilet!

Today I found myself overly frustrated with a toilet that wouldn't flush properly. "For crying out loud, act like a toilet!" I shouted at the clogged-up porcelain bowl. I must confess: I get frustrated when things don't operate the way they are intended.

Then I thought of how a similar chastisement could be given to me sometimes: "Act like a Christian!" As a believer in Christ, I don't always operate exactly the way I should.

The Apostle Paul wrote these words in Ephesians 4:1: "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called." In Colossians 1:10 we read, "...walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God." This is our job as children of God, redeemed by His blood, empowered by His Holy Spirit.

So today I want to fulfill my purpose and act as I am supposed to act. How about you?

Is Anyone Paying Attention?

As a blogger and author, I have written tons of materials and put them "out there" for the world to see.

Sometimes I wonder…does anyone really read my stuff? Am I doing any good? Does anyone even notice me? Sometimes I feel like I'm shouting into a vast, dark space, and hearing nothing but the sound of my own voice. I fear that nobody is paying attention to me, and my words are being treated as…well…insignificant. If nobody is reading the stuff I've written, they aren't getting any benefit from what I've communicated.

I was praying about this yesterday, and the Lord graciously turned it into a life-lesson for me. He reminded me that He has written a Book for me to read, so I can better understand Him and all He wants for me. Am I paying attention to what He's written?

How are we doing in this area? Are we listening to God through reading His Word and following the leading of His Holy Spirit? Or are we essentially ignoring Him and going about our daily lives, completely unaffected by what He has communicated to us?

I suspect we can all do a little better in this area. Let's start today.

God's blessings to you,
Brian Whitaker
www.whitakerwritings.com

Making MY Name Known?

Over the last three years I have been reading about how to "market" myself as an author and blogger. In a way, this concept makes perfect sense: if people don't know who I am, they will likely not read my blogs or buy the books/plays/music I've written. I'm told that if I want my message to get "out there," I have to work hard to market myself online. Yes, I have a website, a Twitter account, multiple blogs, several Facebook pages, and a LinkedIn profile.

I must admit that marketing doesn't come naturally to me. So I sometimes lie awake at night wondering how I can make my name more well-known across the internet.

But then I think about my primary purpose as a Christian and as a pastor. Is it really important to make MY name known? Or should I just point to Christ and make HIS name known?

Here's my resolution. I will do what I can to let people know about what I've written. But my primary energy will be spent on making CHRIST well-known. It's up to Him whether anyone else will ever know my name.

Happy New Day!

I don't get excited about New Year's Day. I don't make New Year's resolutions. That's because, with the Lord, every day is a "New Day." Every New Day offers a fresh start.

We read in Lamentations 3:22-23: "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

We read in 1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Every day holds new opportunities to choose against sin and choose for God. Every day is a New Day.

* If I didn't spend enough time with my kids yesterday - today is a New Day!
* If I didn't love my wife very well yesterday - today is a New Day!
* If I blew my chance to share the gospel with someone yesterday - today is a New Day!
* If I trashed my diet and ate a bunch of junk yesterday - today is a New Day!

"One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:12-13).

Happy New Day!

The Secret to Getting Healthy

I was quite overweight for much of my adult life.

Around 1999-2001 I shed 80 pounds, but I didn't do it with the healthiest techniques (skipping meals isn't a good idea). A couple years later I had gained some of that back, and I continued over the years to slowly gain more.

Then in 2010 I started the process of losing 50 pounds to reach my healthiest-ever adult weight. Now as I write this I have kept to that healthy weight range for sixteen months.

People who have observed my recent weight loss have asked about my "secret." Simply put, I decreased my food intake and increased my exercise. Sorry...I couldn't find a good shortcut. I didn't use any medications or health supplements. I didn't use any popular diet or exercise plans.

But in order to finally succeed after spending 20 years of my adult life overweight, I did have to make a big change in my mindset. That, if anything, is my "secret." I decided to really learn how to "honor God with my body" (see 1 Corinthians 6:20). Along with that, I shifted my primary goal away from "losing weight," toward "getting healthy." I focused less on the number I desired to see on the scale, and more on the goal of doing whatever it might take to be healthy. This helped me think more globally about my eating (food choices as well as quantities), my exercise, and other choices that affected my body (drinking water, getting sleep, etc.).

I always knew I needed to follow both of the only tried-and-true methods: eat wisely and exercise regularly. I am not a doctor, but even I understood these two very simple concepts. I knew that if I chose wisely the things I ate, using God-given self-control, I would be healthier. And if I exercised regularly - even a simple walk or bike ride a few days a week - I would be healthier.

But this is so very hard! I am truly a glutton at heart. I spent 20 years of my adult life overweight and hating it.

Now I wish I had followed these basic principles - which I knew all along - from the beginning. I feel so much better now that I am living with a healthy diet and regular exercise. Even more, I feel the joy of obedience as I honor God with my body.

I have hesitated to write a post about this topic because I don't want to sound like I'm boasting, nor do I want to make any fellow weight-strugglers feel bad about themselves. I understand how hard it is for people to make these changes; it was hard for me, too.

Still, for the glory of God, I wanted to write these words to you to encourage you also to honor God with your body.

After I lost the weight and learned all of these life-lessons, someone else wrote a book that covered the same concepts, but much more eloquently and thoroughly than I could have written. I would highly recommend Every Body Matters, by Gary Thomas (author of Sacred Marriage, which I also highly recommend).

Since I reached my goal to "get healthy," I made a new goal to "stay healthy" for the rest of my life. I want to continue to honor God with my body. Will you do the same?

2010

2012

Too Busy?

God is at work "upholding the universe" (see Hebrews 1:3, also Psalm 8:1-9).  Yet He has time to listen to me - little ol' me - insignificant me - whenever I call.  He even invites me to talk to Him constantly (see 1 Thessalonians 5:17).


Despite all God has to do in the universe today, He has time to spend with me.  He's never too busy for me.


Now...what was my excuse for not having time to spend with Him?

Why I Stopped Brushing My Teeth

About three years ago I stopped brushing my teeth. It wasn't a conscious decision; it just happened slowly over time. I kind of lost interest. It's a lot of work. I'm really busy. I don't really see how brushing helps me in any way.

I stopped going to the dentist, too. He just made me feel bad. He reminded me that he thought it was important for me to brush my teeth at least twice a day, preferably more. I guess it works for him, but it's just not for me. I'm doing fine without it.

I'm pretty sure my friends don't notice. After all, how can my own decision hurt anyone else, especially if it's not hurting me?

If you ask me one-on-one, I will admit to you that I sort-of think tooth brushing is important. I own a couple of toothbrushes, stored conveniently in my bathroom. I know how to brush; I just don't want to. It's not that important to my own life.

I do make my kids brush their teeth. When I talk about it with them, they think I brush my teeth all the time. I'm sure they can't tell that I don't.

Yes, this line of thinking sounds ludicrous. But have we used similar excuses about reading the Bible?

(P.S. - I brush my teeth regularly, AND I read my Bible regularly.  Both are vital in my life!)

Are We Listening?

In 2 Chronicles 36 we read about the result of Israel's long-term, nation-wide disobedience to the Lord.  Verses 15-16 contain a summary statement:


"The LORD, the God of their fathers, sent persistently to them by his messengers, because he had compassion on his people and on his dwelling place.  But they kept mocking the messengers of God, despising his words and scoffing at his prophets, until the wrath of the LORD rose against his people, until there was no remedy."


At this point the nation was conquered and the survivors were taken into captivity in Babylon for 70 years.  


I shiver as I read this pronouncement, and I find myself asking, "How well do I listen to the LORD?"  Today we don't have prophets - we have God's Word, the Bible, a permanent written record of God's messages to His people.  Am I listening to Him through daily reading His Word and being sensitive to the leading of His Holy Spirit?  Am I paying attention to the wise counsel of God-honoring teachers and leaders?  Even more than listening - am I putting it into practice?


Or am I basically "mocking the messengers and scoffing at the prophets"?  *Shiver*


As for me and my house, we will listen to and follow God's Holy Word.  We will build our lives around what He has told us to do, obeying Him to the best of our ability, and asking for His forgiveness when we fail.  We will listen to those who faithfully teach His Word, and consider carefully the wise counsel of others who likewise seek to follow the Lord faithfully.


Will you do the same?

Making Peace with our Fears

Fear can be a very negative thing.  One can read any of a number of books or articles about various phobias that hurt people's lives.  We have all probably experienced some level of irrational, even limiting, fear from time to time.  Indeed, this kind of fear is not good, and we should work to overcome it.


In partial contrast, I want to focus a moment on the positive side of fear.  I'm not a psychologist, but as a pastor, a husband, a father, and a man who's lived with his own fears a long time, I have a few thoughts I'd like to suggest about why I embrace some of my fears.

My fears balance my impulsive tendencies.  Fear of financial damage curbs the tendency toward impulsive spending.  Fear of getting a ticket helps keep my driving under control.  Fear of "getting caught" weakens the enticing power of many daily temptations.

I have a fear of letting people down. This leads me to fulfill my obligations, follow through with my promises, and persevere even when I don't feel like completing the task to which I have committed.


I have a fear of hurting my family.  This leads me to guard my marriage and not let any other relationship surpass the relationships I have with my wife and my kids.  This keeps me from pursuing any of a number of titillating explorations that would cause irreparable damage to my family.


I have a fear of emotionally scarring my children.  This leads me to temper my moments of anger and measure my words carefully.  This leads me to apologize when I've blown it, and to admit to them that I am not perfect, but I too am growing and learning.


I have a fear of portraying the Lord as anything other than Who He is.  This leads me to carefully read the Scriptures and learn all He has revealed about Himself.  This guides me to choose carefully the authors I read so I am constantly filling my mind with thoughts that are Scripturally accurate.  This causes me to be very careful in how I speak of the Lord to others - to represent Him well.  It's not that He needs good P.R., but I absolutely don't want to be guilty of causing anyone to think about Him incorrectly.


Fears can be a good thing.  When we make peace with our fears, and see the good side of them, we can accept the good and God-honoring boundaries they provide, then move forward with confidence and joy.  


If our  fears turn to something dark, we go back to God, and remember many passages like Psalm 56:3-4: "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. ...In God I trust; I shall not be afraid."

The Plans of Man - and God's "No"

In 2 Samuel 7 and 1 Chronicles 17, we read about a time when David made a bold plan to serve the Lord.  He wanted to build a temple - a permanent place where the Lord would be worshiped.


What a wonderful goal this was!  Even Nathan the prophet immediately confirmed the plan, saying, "Go, do all that is in your heart, for the LORD is with you" (1 Sam. 7:3).


Then something changed.  The Lord appeared to Nathan and told him to tell David, "No."  God had given David many blessings, and throughout history since we have seen those blessings unfold.  But the privilege of building a temple would not go to David.  David had a great plan, but God said, "No."


As I ponder this, I think about all the times I think of something great I want to do to please God.  I have big dreams, and in my heart I truly want to honor the Lord - this is good and right.  But sometimes as I set out in one direction or another, I hear the Lord say, "No."  Sometimes it startles me.  Sometimes I am tempted to protest - to defend my plan - to tell the Lord what a good idea it was, because surely He didn't understand it fully before giving a negative answer. This may seem silly, but this is how my mind works (and perhaps yours does as well).


David accepted God's "No."  I am wise when I do the same.


As we read in Proverbs, "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand" (19:21, see also 16:1 and 16:9).  In James we read that we "ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that'" (4:15).  We can plan - and we should plan - but those plans should always be subject to the leading of the Lord.  God's ways are truly best!

Laws of Love

God has given us His Word, filled with glimpses of His love and His character.  The Bible is a treasure chest filled with endless gems more valuable than anything this world can offer.


Sometimes I hear (or read) people's ideas that the Bible is just a bunch of antiquated lists of things to do or not do.  Most of those people express - either explicitly or implicitly - that God is just some kind of cosmic killjoy with rules that don't apply to today's society.


This idea is prevalent outside the church, but I have found shadows of this kind of thinking even inside the church.  Sometimes it seems the boundaries God has set for our lives are - well - inconvenient.  Sometimes they seem too hard to follow.  We may (consciously or subconsciously) even try to pick and choose the things we want to follow and then ignore the rest.  Rules feel restrictive, and by nature we tend to want to rebel against them.


Perhaps we need to think a little differently about this altogether.  Please allow me illustrate.


I love my children more than I can possibly express.  My exuberant four-year-old is obsessed with jumping on furniture, or jumping from the sofa to the floor, or other kinds of daredevil activities.  She is unaware of the dangers; she just wants to play.  She thinks I am unfair when I tell her not to jump on the furniture or jump down from a high place.  Even when she has gotten hurt while doing these things, she still desires them, and pursues them again and again.  Because I love her, I keep enforcing the rules - to protect her and to help her grow up to be healthy and strong.  We have even purchased her a little exercise trampoline that she can jump on at any time - in hopes she will enjoy jumping on that instead of on the furniture.


We keep these boundaries out of our love for her.  The same is true of the boundaries we keep on all three of our children: limits for internet usage, time limits when playing video games, limits on eating sweets, etc.  These boundaries are expressions of our love for them and our desire to help them be healthy emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.


The same is true of the boundaries the Lord sets on our lives.  These are expressions of His love for us.  If I stay within the boundaries, I will find much joy, safety, and blessing.  These are laws of love from my Heavenly Father, and I will do well to follow them with obedience and gratitude.  


Within those boundaries there is still much freedom.  I take much joy in my time with my wife and children.  I enjoy many material blessings (probably too many) He has graciously provided.  I have wonderful friendships with many people.  I am so blessed!  When I spend time enjoying these blessings, I temporarily forget about some of the enticing things that are outside the boundaries.  


Adam and Eve were given access to every tree in the Garden of Eden except one.  Yet it was the one that drew their attention, and their first step outside of God's boundaries began thousands of years of sin and pain in our world.  Likewise, when we step outside God's boundaries, venturing into sin, there will be inevitable pain.  Let's stay within God's laws of love and find great joy in all He has given us. 

A Small Sacrifice

A friend of mine wrote an e-mail with a keen observation that the idea of sacrifice is largely unexplored - or at least, under-explored - in Christian teaching and writing.  He noted that in our lives, every time we choose one thing, it involves forgoing something else (e.g., one cannot spend the entire winter skiing and go to school at the same time).  He also noted that many personal issues begin with an unwillingness to sacrifice something.


I wrote a few thoughts in response to his e-mail, which I want to post here for others to consider:


You've got some good thoughts here.  I see your point that the idea of sacrifice is perhaps underemphasized, yet it is a clear component of true Christian faith (as well as a reality of life in general, as you have noted).


There are two potential reasons I can think of which might explain this underemphasis in Christian writing/teaching:


1) Christians already get a bad rap for talking about "dos" and "don'ts" and the list of "fun" things that are "prohibited" (I'm using the language of many people, not necessarily what I would personally say).  To combat this, Christians may tend to steer clear of the idea of sacrifice.


2) Most of the time when we speak of the gospel message, we're emphasizing what we GAIN in a relationship with Christ, rather than what we GIVE UP.  That's partly because that emphasis is more attractive - yes - but it's also because when we truly comprehend all that Christ gives, we begin to see that the things we give up along the way were never worth much to begin with.


This is consistent with Jesus' parables about the treasure hidden in the field and the pearl of great value, recorded in Matthew 13:44-46:


"The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up.  Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it."  


In both cases, the men didn't even think about the cost, because they knew they were getting the bargain of their lives, so to speak.  What they gained was infinitely greater than the cost, even though it cost them everything they had.


Yes, there is a cost.  Yes, the cost is high.  Yes, there is sacrifice, as you've noted.  But - WOW! - the gain is so much better.  I'm not just talking about a future in heaven - that is great, but not the entire package deal.  I'm talking about daily joy and peace that nothing in this world can offer.  I'm talking about the vast treasure of getting to know the God of the universe, and to be able to talk to Him, and to have relationship with Him.  I'm talking about the awesomeness of His Holy Spirit at work within me each and every day.  These joys far outweigh any temporary pleasures the world may offer but which I've sacrificed to follow Christ.


And this goes back to your original observation.  Now that I have been a follower of Jesus for many years, I don't really think at all about what I have "sacrificed" or "given up."  I spend my thought time learning more about the Lord and about all He has for me.  So if you ask me about my relationship with Christ, I may not even remember to talk about the concept of sacrifice, because I have I have found the Treasure, or the Pearl, and that's what my mind is focused on, and what I want to tell others about.


Dear reader, what about you?  Have you realized that a relationship with Jesus Christ is worth far more than anything you might "sacrifice" to obtain it?  Yes, a relationship with Jesus will totally change many aspects of your life, but it's worth more than anything else in this world!

Just Say It!

Lately I have had a couple of situations in which I have been struck with the need to "just say it."  There are so many things that I want to say to people I care deeply about, but for crazy reasons I tend to hesitate, and those things end up not being said, or the moment to say them is lost.


Before I left for Africa in October, I had this foreboding sense that I might not return to see my family again.  I spent time writing notes to all of them, saying things that I wanted to be sure to communicate...just in case I might not return.  I wanted to tell my children I was proud of them.  I wanted my wife and daughters to know I think they are beautiful.  I wanted to encourage them all to persevere in their faith.  Even as I wrote those notes, I regretted not saying those things even earlier.


When I leave in the morning, I want to be sure to communicate my love to my wife and children.  When I have a moment to tell someone about my appreciation for them, I want to say that right then.  Too often I hesitate, but I'm glad for the moments when I just say it.  With God's help, I will do this even more often.


Is there something you just need to say to someone today?  Perhaps you need to write a note of encouragement to someone.  Perhaps you need to forgive someone, and tell them so.  Perhaps you need to make a phone call to re-connect with someone.  It's not too late: "Just Say It."

To YIELD is to Wait Patiently

I was in a hurry to drive home today.  I came to a YIELD sign.  There was a lot of traffic, and as I waited and stared at that big triangular sign, my mind drifted to how much I want my life to be fully YIELDED to God.  Then as I waited still longer it hit me: to YIELD is to wait patiently.  If I want to be fully YIELDED to God, I will have periods of waiting on Him.  When I patiently listen, I begin to hear His voice.  When I stop scurrying around doing what I think I should be doing, I finally learn what He wants me to do.  Sometimes the wait can be excruciatingly long, but it is still best to wait on the Lord.  That is how I gain the biggest blessings!


Psalm 40:1: "I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry."

Speak More About God

Here's my current self-reminder: "I should speak more about God and less about other things."


I am tempted to leave this statement "as is" without comment, but I will say a little more to clarify what I mean.  

I am a thinker, an analyzer.  Along with that, I am also a talker (aren't most pastors and bloggers?): I find I actually do some of my best thinking out loud.  (I am very thankful my wife is a patient listener!)

"I should speak more about God and less about other things."  Recently I've realized (again) how out of balance my thinking and talking can sometimes be.  I can spend 15 minutes or more prattling on about things, from the weather to politics to news events--just about anything.  I can mentally or verbally analyze things to death.  At the end of a long soliloquy, I realize I have accomplished nothing redemptive.  

It's awful to realize how long I can talk without bringing the Lord into the situation.  I sometimes speak in faithless terms, expressing my discouragement at things that don't go well in the world.  In doing this, I not only fail to acknowledge that God is sovereignly in control of these things, but I also fail to use that moment to encourage my hearer(s) to turn their attention to the Lord.  "I should speak more about God and less about other things."

I want to use my thoughts and my words to focus on the greatness of God.  I want to point people to Him every way I possibly can.  Through the things I say, I want to encourage my family and friends to follow the Lord more deeply today than they did yesterday.  Isn't it better to use my words to point to the greatness of our Lord?  He's the one most worthy to be the focus of my words!

To do this, I need to ensure I'm constantly filling my brain with thoughts about God, because my mouth is simply speaking what my brain is thinking.  If I spend more of my thoughts on our Lord, then more of my words will follow.

"I should speak more about God and less about other things."  Will you do this with me?  

      

Right in Our Own Eyes

In my annual read through the Bible (October-September), I am now reading through Judges.  A frightening theme throughout the book is how the entire nation of God's people frequently turned away from worshiping and serving the Lord.  The book covers many generations, and throughout that time the people were very fickle in their commitment to the Lord.


There's a descriptive phrase that sticks in my mind, "Everyone did what was right in his own eyes" (Judges 17:6, 21:25).


This is a dangerous way to live.  And, if I may be frank, this same phrase describes our American society today.  So many people around us live by what they individually believe to be right, saying truth is relative, and that everyone is right if they just live according to their personal beliefs.  This is the mistake made by the people of Israel.


May I be even more frank?  Sometimes God's own people, purchased by the blood of Christ, indwelt by the Holy Spirit, adopt the same "do whatever is right in my own eyes" mentality.

Dear Christian, our personal standards of right and wrong must be established by God's standards, as outlined in His Word.  If we go by the desires of our own hearts, we will be led astray.  Jeremiah 17:9-10 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?  I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds."  In James 1:14-15 we read about where our personal desires can lead us: "But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.  Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death."

What does the Lord specifically say in His Word about a philosophy of doing what is right in our own eyes?  Deuteronomy 12:8 warns: "You shall not do according to all that we are doing here today, everyone doing whatever is right in his own eyes."  Instead, this passage goes on to say, we are to live differently as God's own chosen people.


Further, the book of Proverbs offers us some clear words.  Proverbs 12:15 says, "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice."  Proverbs 21:2 says, "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the heart."


Just look back through the book of Judges (and many other parts of the Bible) and see the practical outworkings of living by "what's right in my own eyes."  We see just about every sin known to man, with horrendous consequences.  Living by this philosophy is never good. 


God's standards of right and wrong are what really matter.  When we stand before Him one day, as every person must do, He will not compare us to our own standards or the standards of others; He will compare us to the holy guidelines He gave us so clearly in His Word.


Dear Christian, let's spend time studying the Word of God and letting THAT determine our sense of right and wrong.  Then let us follow with unwavering obedience in doing what is right.  Nothing less will do.

The Fall of Aaron

Moses' brother Aaron helped lead the nation of Israel.  This morning I was struck with the highest point and the lowest point of his life, only a short time apart, and how great his fall actually was.


Aaron's highest point had to be the account recorded in Exodus 24.  "Then Moses and Aaron, Nadab, and Abihu, and seventy of the elders of Israel went up, and they saw the God of Israel.  There was under his feet as it were a pavement of sapphire stone, like the very heaven for clearness.  And he did not lay his hand on the chief men of the people of Israel; they beheld God, and ate and drank" (24:9-11, emphasis mine).  Imagine that--they SAW the God of Israel and ate and drank in His presence!  That is an honor that only a few people have ever had.


Then we have a number of chapters in which the Lord gives the Ten Commandments to Moses, along with clear instructions for the building of the tabernacle.  If I'm reading Exodus 24:15-18 correctly, after Aaron returned to the people, Moses was on the mountain another 46 days.  


During that month and a half, the people of Israel convinced Aaron to build a new god, representative of one of the gods of Egypt.  Worse, Aaron led in sacrifices and worship to this god in place of the true God of Israel.  We read about all of this in Exodus 32:1-20.


Still more, when Moses confronted Aaron about his sins, Aaron both lied and tried to minimize the sins he had committed (Exodus 32:21-24).  He even said that the calf just magically popped out of the fire when he threw in the gold jewelry brought by the people (see Exodus 32:24)!


Aaron went from being in the very presence of God to worshiping a golden image (and lying about it) in just a few weeks' time!  How high was Aaron's high, and how low was his low!


Reading things like this makes me all the more determined to be ever-vigilant to follow Christ closely EVERY DAY.  I--you--we are all quite capable of committing horrible sins that dishonor our Lord.  Even when we have followed Him closely and experienced His work deeply in our lives, our sinful hearts can deceive us and cloud our memory and lead us into any of a number of sins.  Our enemy, the devil, would love nothing more than to cause God's children to fall into grievous sin.  First Peter 5:8-9 tells us, "Be sober-minded; be watchful.  Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world."  The devil wants to pull us away from God, but we can effectively resist him as we stand firm in our faith.


Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, please join me in being faithful to God and watchful against any sin that could dishonor our Lord.  Where we might have a particular weakness for one sin or another, let us be extra-vigilant.  Let's not make the kinds of mistakes Aaron did, nor commit even smaller sins.  Rather, let us stay faithful to our Lord every moment of every day.


Lord, please grant myself and every reader the grace to do this.  Amen.